7 Components of Likeability

Through research and experience, these seven elements are integral for "likability":

1. Positive mental attitude Likeable people exude a positive mental attitude. That does not mean they are silly or giddy. They don't ignore hardships or failures, but consciously reframe those difficulties and negative emotions to healthier positive ones. Positive means that you can find a better direction out of a problem, rather than wallowing in the problem or negative emotion.

2. Non-judgmental The truly likable are non-judgmental. They recognize that everyone is trying to get by the best they know how, and they treat everyone with respect and understanding.

3. Open Passing critical judgment is a sign of inflexibility, a highly unlikable trait. The opposite of that is what we call "openness." The truly likeable are open to new people, other ideas, and different ways of doing things. They demonstrate openness in their behavior, the tone of their voice and in their language.

4. Secure Likeable people are, "comfortable in their own skin." They don't feel the need to talk over, correct, constantly make jokes or laugh nervously. They don't brag, talk incessantly or hide behind details or humor.

5. Vulnerable One of the most likeable characteristics is vulnerability. People who can say, "I don't know," who are able to admit mistakes or show a sensitivity, are seen as more likeable.

6. Able to get outside the Self Those whose primary focus is on themselves rate low on the likeability scale. Conversely, those who are secure in themselves and able to turn their focus outward rate much higher. It's part empathy - our ability to recognize, acknowledge and experience other people's feelings, which is a key attribute of likeability. This is more than the ability to be empathetic. It is the exercise of this ability. It is about becoming relevant. We become relevant in the lives of others when we learn about their interests, wants and needs.

7. Like me

We like people who like us. We also like people who are like us. As humans we are constantly seeking points of similarity. We look for and are attracted to people who are like us in terms of values, interests and experiences. Studies suggest we are also attracted to people who physically look like us.